Terrorists in North Dakota?
I could not believe the headline and story about adults, some making upwards of $100,000 annually, trashing my state! Bizarre trash collects near oil patch.
No, wait! Not only are they tossing trash from their trucks, they are tossing their human waste! These (mostly) guests in my state, are throwing bottles of urine onto our beautiful landscape.
This story has brought from the depth of my bowels the scrappy kid that once (ok, on more than one occasion) had me in front of law enforcement. I want to beat the tar out of someone. How dare you come into my state, likely from a place that you don’t particularly like and still has high unemployment, and act like a terrorist?! Yes, I said terrorist. You fill a plastic bottle (takes about 450 years for one of these babies to decompose) with your urine and heave it onto the prairies that God crafted with his hands. To me a terrorist is anyone that anonymously attacks any innocent person or thing of beauty and runs. If you’re a blogger that hides behind an alias, a masked punk hell-bent on causing harm or a truck driver tossing a bottle of urine into the ditches of North Dakota, you are a terrorist. And there is not one acceptable excuse for this behavior.
In November of 2010 I began having problems with diarrhea. It began with needing to visit the rest room five to six times daily. By January of 2011 the frequency of my visits began ticking upward. A mis-diagnosis had me trying a number of treatments, to no avail. From March to May I traveled the state of North Dakota and learned where every, and I mean every, poop bucket is. From February to late July I flew to numerous locations, took a cruise, drove to Wyoming, battled a flood sandbagging, surveying, walking neighborhoods, attending many, many meetings, all while having days where I was now visiting the rest room 20, sometimes 30 times in one day. When you have aggressive microscopic-colitis with complications, you train yourself to adjust to the conditions presented and do your best to avoid soiling yourself. Fortunately my third doctor properly diagnosed my conditions and helped me get my poop in a group. (Even when you’re upset, maintain a little humor.)
The story in the paper indicates we, enforcing the law, have great challenges catching the litterbugs/terrorists. Terrorists listen up. What would your mother say or do if she knew? I say we do this: organize community pick-up teams, arm ourselves with plastic gloves, protective masks, and collection receptacles and wear shirts with this on both sides: “Don’t Piss with North Dakota!”
For every bottle of urine collected we turn in documentation to the North Dakota Health Department or Department of Mineral Resources which will in turn levy a $1,000 per bottle fine against some truck driver’s organization that has dues paying companies as members.
In closing, I am very supportive of responsible fossil fuel exploration and production. These risk-taking entrepreneurial run companies in the fossil fuel industry have delivered far more positive benefits to North Dakota and our country than the opposite. They are making it possible for the truck driving and hauling industry to thrive in ways far beyond their wildest dreams. However, truckers and their organizations need to stop acting like terrorists.
“Don’t Piss with North Dakota!”
I’m just sayin’.